Dialogue — a Way to Reconciliation
I live in the mid-Hudson Valley, technically “up North.” I often visit my mother who is currently living in a nearby nursing home. I used to have conversations with one of her co-residents, (I’ll call her Mrs. P). Mrs. P is an elderly white woman who likes to tell “humorous” stories about black people and white people that most often include thinly-disguised racist stereotypes. Frankly, I’ve grown tired of them. She seems to unconsciously have a thing about ethnicity. I say ”˜ethnicity’ rather than ”˜race’ because both religion and science agree there is only one race — that being the human one. But I digress.
My tiredness turned into recycled frustration when, right before Christmas, another resident shared she heard a man say when he saw a Christmas ornament decorated with the face of President Obama, “We finally found a way to hang that man from a tree.” A while later, my husband shared he’d seen an internet comment on the Tiger Woods scandal stating: “You have to be careful — because everybody knows those black/white guys are sneaky.” It’s clear to me, while written as a comment on Tiger Woods (even though his ancestry is African American/Filipino), that the message’s intent was also directed towards our 44th President. And now given some of the paternalistic, ”˜blame-the-victim’ reporting on what’s happening in Haiti, I’ve just about had it. When does it stop? While there is a tendency for some to think with President Obama’s election, America’s historical black/white problems have been resolved, the truth is we haven’t yet reached the ”˜mountaintop’ that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. spoke of.
My frustration has been somewhat assuaged in my re-reading of Mary Catherine Bateson’s 1990 book, Composing A Life. Bateson, a cultural anthropologist writing about the creative life cycles of women, states in one chapter: “Exposure to other ways of doing things is insufficient without empathy and respect,” and, later in the same chapter, “An encounter with other cultures can lead to openness only if you suspend the assumption of superiority, not seeing new worlds to conquer, but new worlds to respect.” OK — here in the 21st century, we know we’ve gotten lots more ”˜exposure’ to other cultures and other ethnicities — but how do we change the old, conquering, assumed superiority mindset to one of inclusion, understanding and respect?
Simply with ”˜Dialogue.’ I believe true understanding and communion can only manifest when we (meaning us and them — whoever ”˜us’ and ”˜them’ are to you) commit to come together across the table regarding issues of culture, ethnicity, gender orientation and/or class. However, I know dialogue can potentially be both frustrating and dangerous, because in order to be successful, it usually involves a long process (revelation doesn’t always happen like a light bulb turning on), plus, unfortunately, everyone doesn’t always come to the table for the same reasons.
However, in the spirit of Martin Luther King, Jr., this is a commitment we must make. Even if time after time, our best efforts are met with misunderstanding, derision and even, outright rejection, we must remain committed to being present to foster empathy and respect and speak truth in love. Therefore, as a part of my small, individual act of service to celebrate Martin Luther King’s work and legacy, I purpose to again spend time with Mrs. P. and start to learn more about her story and her life choices, and hopefully, share me and my story with her as well.
