A little food for thought..

Amongst peace and justice- oriented folks, it's fairly safe to say that your first choice for a resolution to any conflict is calm, rational dialogue, right?. Many people reading this might even say that an open dialogue is the ONLY solution to conflict — why should we need war, aggression or threats to work out our differences? But what about in regards to conflicts with your parents, siblings, children if you have them, signifiant others, or the occasional annoying stranger? Are we able to hold ourselves to the high standards (and really hold ourselves accountable) to the grand ideals that we have in place for others?

For example, say you're on your way home from working all day. You're tired, Gray's Anatomy is starting in 20 mins. and you need to stop by the grocery store on the way home to get get something to throw together for dinner. You rush through your shopping, congratulate yourself on buying more than just pop tarts, and you're finally getting up to the front of an extremely long line. Just as you're about to step to the register, someone practically knocks you over, saying that they only have one item and they're in a huge rush. Of course, you get upset — you were just standing there minding your own business and you get jostled by some unknown, pushy stranger. And hey! why is their time more important that yours? Why don't they have to wait in line like everyone else? Don't they know you're tired and have things to do too?

Sound familiar? Some iteration of this situation has happened to just about everyone. The question is, how did you react? Did you say nothing and passive-aggressively fume behind the person? Did you yell at them to get to the back of the line and wait to buy their stuff just like everyone else? Or can you summon the inner fortitude to politely talk out the situation with the stranger, or even just let it roll off your back?

For those of you that have are able to do the latter, I'm impressed — maybe even a little jealous. Being calm and talking things out when you feel you've been wronged (even in relatively unimportant situations) is not easy. I'll admit, in those kinds of situations I get angry, make a small scene, and make sure that the other person knows I'm upset. Do I believe that the bigger thing to do is to calmly explain my position and then let it go? Of course I do — so why is it so hard to live that kind of rationality?

I think there are several things at play here, at least speaking for myself. One, that person was rude, and I want to let them know I don't agree with their behavior. Secondly, I want to defend myself and don't want to feel like I'm being taken advantage of. Thirdly, there's a basic sense of injustice that I feel (though it's clearly quite a small injustice, in the long run) and I want to try to rectify it. So, I get mad.

As my good friend and coworker Maryrose would point out, however, who's really coming off worse in that situation? Now, I'm mad, and the extra 2 minutes that that person would have needed to have their one item rung up has now been spent arguing with me, and I'm still missing the opening credits of Gray's. Would I have been better off just letting them go, and then moving through the line and out the door without saying anything? Perhaps, but so unsatisfying! I think the middle-of-the-road approach may indeed be the best solution to the situation — say something, politely and calmly, and then move on.

This situation and subsequent reaction can apply to many situations we come across in our day-to-day lives. The more I think it through, the more I think that might be right response, though it can be so hard to do at times.. And as for the person inspiring this post — thank you for the opportunity to reflect on myself and the person I want to be. I'll continue to think it over, and thanks in advance for the many opportunities I'm sure you'll give me to see how I'm doing. : )